Starbucks Joins the War on Whiskey

Posted on March 9th, 2017 by Fingers Malloy

Americans are ruining whiskey. Flavored “whiskeys” like Fireball, Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Honey and Jim Beam Apple are favorites among people who like their whiskey to taste like schnapps.

So now that whiskey ruining is becoming increasingly popular in the U.S.,  Starbucks is trying to cash in (in a big way) on the flavored-whiskey craze — not with coffee flavored whiskey, but with whiskey flavored coffee.

From CNBC:

Starbucks’ newest limited edition brew doesn’t taste like hugs or Christmas — it tastes like whiskey.

The coffee chain debuted two new whiskey-barrel-aged flavored beverages this week: A “Barrel-Aged Cold Brew” and a “Barrel-Aged Con Crema.” The cold brew is served in a sidecar glass with an oversized cube of ice, just like a cocktail might. The crema comes in a little glass mug with a handle. Both are only sold at the Starbucks Roastery store in Seattle, Washington.

Call me old fashioned, but I believe the only time your coffee should taste like whiskey is if, you know, it actually contains whiskey! Here are a couple of rules to live by when it comes to whiskey:

  1. There is only one acceptable flavor for whiskey… and it’s whiskey flavored whiskey.
  2. Beverages that are whiskey flavored should only be flavored with… wait for it… whiskey.

And I don’t want to hear that people like to have something whiskey flavored without the alcohol. You know who spouts similar ridiculousness? O’Doul’s drinkers who claim they like it because they get to have something that tastes like beer without the alcohol. Friends don’t let friends sound like an O’Doul’s drinker. (Or drink it.)

This Starbucks whiskey flavored coffee costs $10 for an 8 ounce serving. Pro tip, go buy a $2 coffee at Dunkin’ Donuts and bring your flask. It will taste better.

To summarize — apparently ruining whiskey isn’t enough, now we have to ruin coffee too. Good on you, Starbucks. I knew you could figure out a way to charge $10 for a cup of coffee.

You’re history’s greatest monster.


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Monica Crowley Drops by Hannity to Address Plagiarism Allegations

Posted on March 8th, 2017 by Fingers Malloy

Friend of the show Monica Crowley was a guest on Hannity last night to address the plagiarism allegations that lead to her stepping down from a position in the Trump Administration. After taking a moment to pay tribute to her late brother-in law, Alan Colmes, Monica opened up about what happened to her:

“Well, look. What happened to me was a despicable, straight up, political hit job. Okay, it’s been debunked. My editor has completely supported me and backed me up. There is a very toxic, and it’s getting increasingly toxic and poisonous atmosphere of personal destruction, in Washington and the media. But now it’s at a whole different level.”

An excellent piece written by Andrew C. McCarthy at National Review breaks down the plagiarism allegations made by CNN, and how they were debunked by copyright attorney, Lynn Chu. As Monica said to Hannity, this toxic atmosphere is pushing smart and good people out of government service. Monica Crowley is one example.

And that’s a shame.

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Jason Chaffetz fails to explain concept of trade-offs

Posted on March 7th, 2017 by Tracy Connors

Congressman Jason Chaffetz (R-UT) early today on CNN, bricked what should have been a gimme layup. Instead of explaining the idea of trade-offs: if your budget is limited you will have to make choices based upon that limitation. Sometimes that choice may include whether you will pay your health insurance premium or purchase a new iPhone. A person who prioritizes having insurance over having the latest and greatest phone (laptop, sneakers, designer jeans, etc) will choose to pay their premium, whereas a person with different priorities may choose to purchase the gadget. Neither actor is wrong or irrational per say, they are simply making choices based upon personal value judgements.

Chaffetz’s bungled answer sent internet morons digging and guess what they found? Pictures of Chaffetz using an iPhone! This proves, um I’m not exactly sure what this proves, Chaffetz has health insurance through his job as a Congressman (thank us taxpayers very much Congressman) so he hasn’t been put into a position where he needed to decide between buying a new phone or paying his premium.

This is what happens when you’re afraid to discuss hate facts. Here’s one that is applicable to the discussion at hand: the majority of people living below the poverty line can (in most cases, yes I know there are exceptions but focus people!) absolutely afford to pay for their premiums. How do we know this? Census data tell us that people living below the poverty line have smartphones, cable television, DVRs, computers etc. they have chosen to prioritize these things over health insurance.

Whenever anyone even attempts to point this out, they are called heartless, cold-blooded, evil, mean, blah blah etc. It may be a harsh thing to say but it’s the truth, and the truth not only doesn’t care about your feelings, the truth doesn’t give a shit about your bank account. If you choose to buy a tv and pay for cable, and a phone and pay for service, in lieu of paying for insurance, you’re telling the world that you don’t place a high value on insurance. So when the Democrats begin to whine about this, which they most assuredly will, they need to be repeatedly asked: why should a complete stranger be forced to foot the bill for people who value their healthcare less than they value a cell phone?



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Grassley wants to know why FBI considered paying author of salacious Golden Shower Dossier

Posted on March 6th, 2017 by Tracy Connors

‘Member that memo, uh excuse me, that dossier, published back in January by BuzzFeed and not published, but merely alluded to by CNN in several articles? The dossier contained, among other things, a wild tale of Trump procuring a Moscow hotel room in order to have it defiled by Russian prozzies because the Obamas had once slept there. Sounds plausible right?

The dossier led to this confrontation between then President Elect Donald Trump and CNN reporter Jim Acosta.

The patently absurd fanfic was compiled by an MI6 agent called Christopher Steele. At one point the FBI seemed to find this fabulist’s fairytales to be credible and considered paying him to continue his investigation into Trump and the Golden Shower Girls of Gorky Park.

Well Senator Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa) thinks the FBI Director James Comey has some ‘splaining to do.

Via The Hill:

“The idea that the FBI and associates of the Clinton campaign would pay Mr. Steele to investigate the Republican nominee for President in the run-up to the election raises further questions about the FBI’s independence from politics, as well as the Obama administration’s use of law enforcement and intelligence agencies for political ends,” Grassley wrote.

“It is additionally troubling that the FBI reportedly agreed to such an arrangement given that, in January of 2017, then-Director Clapper issued a statement stating that ‘the [intelligence community] has not made any judgment that the information in this document is reliable, and we did not rely upon it in any way for our conclusions.’”

In his letter, Grassley asks for all records regarding Steele’s investigation, details of the agreement between the FBI and Steele, the FBI’s policies for using outside investigators, and whether the bureau has relied on any of the information Steele has provided in seeking warrants.

Get ’em Chuck!

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Wastin’ Away your golden years in Margaritaville

Posted on March 6th, 2017 by Fingers Malloy

If you’re a Parothead, hearing the words “Jimmy Buffett” and “retirement” in the same sentence may make you shudder. But fear not my tequila filled friends, it doesn’t look like Jimmy is retiring anytime soon. However, if YOU are looking to retire, the leader of Parothead Nation has just the place for you.

It’s called Latitude Margaritaville. According to their website, LM is a joint venture between Buffett and Minto Communities.

Inspired by the legendary music and lifestyle of singer, songwriter and best-selling author Jimmy Buffett, your new home in paradise features exciting recreation, unmatched dining and FINtastic nightlife. With Minto’s 60 years of experience developing award-winning, master-planned communities and building quality homes for over 80,000 families, innovative new homes are a given.

Latitude Margaritaville will be located in, wait for it… Florida. Here’s hoping that this starts a trend toward music themed retirement communities. I can hear the sales pitch now…

“Tired of taking the Crazy Train to work every day? Why not retire in a place where you will shed No More Tears over the 9 to 5 rat-race? Visit Ozzy Osborne’s new 55 and over community, Bark at the Moon!”

Who would you like to see start their own themed retirement community?



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