Snarky Six- 6 People Who Would Get Better Press Today Than Jim Bunning

Posted on March 2nd, 2010 by Fingers Malloy

As has been widely reported, Senator Jim Bunning has used Senate rules to hold up a 10 billion dollar extension of unemployment benefits. Bunning stated that this action was taken to enforce a law that mandates all spending bills passed are also to be paid for, which this bill is not.

The mainstream media has misreported this issue from the beginning. It has accused Bunning of using the filibuster (1 Senator can’t filibuster) and has under-reported the PAYGO issue.

So the Snark Factor examines how the press is treating Bunning, and determines how others would be treated by comparison in today’s mainstream media.

1. Charlie Rangel vs. Bunning– Sure Charlie is a tax cheat that also happens to be the Chairman of the House Committee on Ways and Means. But he’s a good Democrat. Oh and by the way, Bunning hates poor people.

WINNER- Rangel

2. The Octomom vs. Bunning– Yes she can be annoying. Yes she has lots of kids and she is getting government assistance until she scores a photo shoot in Swank Magazine, but she doesn’t hate the poor like Jim Bunning.

WINNER- Octy (my pet name for her)

3. Dustin Diamond vs. Bunning – Sure he can be half a cup of obnoxious. Anyone who has watched Celebrity Fit Club knows what I am talking about. But as a teenager he was Screech on the popular teen TV show Saved By the Bell. While Diamond was Screech on TV, Bunning was busy starving children.

WINNER- Diamond

4. Adolph Hitler vs. Bunning– Sure he murdered 6 million Jews and caused the destruction of much of Europe, but that was 70 years ago. Meanwhile, Jim Bunning hates you. Yes you!

WINNER- Hitler

5. Joseph Stalin vs. Bunning– Stalin was responsible for the death of millions of his own people, but we have no proof that he hated them as they died. There is concrete proof that Bunning hates the poor, especially poor children.

Winner- Stalin

6. Ronald Reagan vs. Bunning– This is a tough one. As you know from listening to the MSM, Reagan is responsible for AIDS. He also hated poor people and he was a racist. But he has been out of office for over 20 years. Meanwhile, Bunning wishes that all poor people had AIDS.

WINNER- PUSH

*Calm down, it’s satire people…

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Snarky Six. How Can Senator Harry Reid Revive His Campaign?

Posted on March 1st, 2010 by Fingers Malloy

More bad news for Harry. A new poll conducted in Nevada shows that if the election were to be held today, Harry would get his clock cleaned (unless a tea party candidate runs as an independent, hope you 3rd party people are taking notes.)

The Snark Factor feels bad for Harry, so we have advice for him to make this election a little bit closer. Here are 6 things Senator Reid can do to make this  Senate race a nail biter.

1. Invite President Obama to campaign for his opponent.

2. Invite Vice President Biden to his house on Election Day (as many of you know, the Snark Factor revealed last week that Joe Biden is Batman.)

3. Move the Octomom to Nevada and have all of her kids and cats register to vote as Democrats.

4. Use voter intimidation, by threatening to screen at every polling place a “Matt Damon Movie Marathon.”

5. Make Dustin Diamond his campaign manager.

6. Promise Reid voters that Charlie Rangel will do their taxes.

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Snarky Six. Vice President Biden’s Unknown Duties

Posted on February 26th, 2010 by Fingers Malloy

A minor stink was raised yesterday after Joe was caught being Joe. Here is C-SPAN’s coverage of the Vice President’s announcement that he doesn’t do anything. It was the only news to come out of the Health Care Summit.

To celebrate Joe being Joe, The Snark Factor will now reveal the 6 duties of the Vice President that the general public does not know. You can thank me later.

1. He secretly replaces all the White House coffee with Folgers Crystals.

2. V.P. Biden counts Michelle Obama’s reps during her arm curl workouts.

3. Joe Biden is Batman

4. The V.P. is responsible for all prank phone calls to John McCain. Senator McCain still falls for the “Prince Albert in a Can” trick.

5. He rubs Rahm Emanuel’s belly when he gets “cranky.”

6. Biden performs dramatic readings of Meghan McCain’s tweets at the State Department.

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