Snark Factor Morning Update-Farewell Larry!

Posted on December 17th, 2010 by Fingers Malloy

Larry King signed off from CNN for the last time. The Snark Factor says goodbye.

Image from www.command-post.org

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President Obama Announces Plan for Afghanistan. No New Troops, He is Sending Lou Dobbs

Posted on November 12th, 2009 by Fingers Malloy

Stunning political pundits today, President Obama announced that he rejected all four plans submitted to him regarding raising troop levels in Afghanistan. The President then went on to make an announcement that shook the Pentagon to its core.

“This morning, I made a decision to not send more troops to Afghanistan, ” Obama said. “The plans that were submitted looked no different to me than the failed policies that were implemented under the Bush Administration. “

Then he dropped the bombshell.

“I knew that I needed to come up with a plan all by myself. Let’s face it, I am the most brilliant man to ever hold this office. It’s up to me. It’s Obama time!”

“So I am pleased to announce that in lieu of sending more troops to Afghanistan, I am sending Lou Dobbs. He will be armed with nothing but a pocket knife and a bottle of Dewar’s. The richness of Lou’s life experience working for a network that drove millions of viewers away, and his immense hatred of people illegally crossing borders will make him the perfect man to patrol the Pakistan-Afghani border.”

Dobbs resigned from CNN on Wednesday. Immediately, there was speculation that he would run for the Senate. I tried to contact a CNN spokesman for comment, but my emails were unanswered. However, I did talk to CNN’s Larry King, who had this to say about the shocking news;

” I want my Ovaltine,” King said. “Waco, Texas hello! Caller? Caller? Ehh, next week we have some fantastic guests. Joy Baher, Dustin Diamond and Kathy Griffin. Wow, what a week!”

Bold statement Larry……

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For CNN, Will There Be Life After Larry???

Posted on September 29th, 2009 by Fingers Malloy

Larry_King

 

There is a story in Monday’s New York Post speculating that CNN is trying to prepare for the possibility that Larry King may retire when his contract expires in 18 months. The prospect of King leaving his nightly talk show is quite real. The challenge for CNN is to find a replacement for Larry that will not alienate his loyal viewership of 114 people. After all, the new host needs viewers too.

The Post speculates on a few possible candidates that may replace King. Here is The Snark Factor’s analysis of each potential candidate.

Joy Behar- Liked by many liberals, mostly because she is ill-informed and lacks any analytical skills. She’s not very funny. Joy Behar is to comedy what Kathy Griffin is to comedy. The combination of her lack of talent and unwatchability (yes I made that word up) makes her a front-runner to replace King and a perfect fit at CNN.

Katie Couric- She’s still spunky. Couric has actually interviewed someone all by herself. Working for CBS, Katie has proven that she has no problem being affiliated with a network that resembles the Titanic. CNN should look long and hard at Ms.Couric.

Ryan Seacrest- Plain Yogurt. But does anyone do plain yogurt better than Ryan Seacrest? He is inoffensive. But he comes with a hefty price tag. Can CNN afford to pay Ryan Seacrest Seacrest money in the hope that he can continue CNN’s dominance over MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow and Billy Mays infomercials? Pass…

The challenge for CNN is to find someone that will bring the same energy and excitement to the job that Larry King has brought all these many years. There is only one individual that can bring the same kind of electricity to CNN as King, and that’s the corpse of Barry Goldwater….

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