Snarky 6- Six Explanations For Fireball In The Midwestern Sky Last Night

Posted on April 15th, 2010 by Fingers Malloy

A massive fireball was spotted across several states in the Midwest Wednesday night.

From CNN:

(CNN) — Authorities in several Midwestern states were flooded Wednesday night with reports of a gigantic fireball lighting up the sky, the National Weather Service said.

The fireball was visible for about 15 minutes beginning about 10 p.m., said the National Weather Service in Sullivan, Wisconsin, just west of Milwaukee.

“The fireball was seen over the northern sky, moving from west to east,” said the NWS in the Quad Cities area, which includes parts of Iowa and Illinois.

“Well before it reached the horizon, it broke up into smaller pieces and was lost from sight,” the service said. “Several reports of a prolonged sonic boom were received from areas north of Highway 20, along with shaking of homes, trees and various other objects including wind chimes,” it said.

 

There are several possible explanations for this fireball: I have come up with six.

1) The fire was the end result of an Oprah chili burp.

2) It was Paula Abdul’s career, never to be seen again.

3) The fireball was brought on by the awesomeness of KFC’s new Double Down sandwich.

4) The light in the sky was actually just Billy Mays trying to communicate with us.

5) Rahm Emanuel’s swear jar exploded.

6) Nancy Pelosi’s Aqua Net soaked hair got too close to President Obama’s cigarette…

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25 Things Random Things About Me, Nancy Pelosi.

Posted on September 26th, 2009 by Fingers Malloy

(This is an old post from back in February. It’s the weekend, so I thought I would bring her back. Enjoy.)

Fingersmalloy.com  is a hard hitting, fact finding, truth spilling machine. It is not some kind of gossip rag like Us Weekly or the New York Times. For example, we passed on the New York Times story that reported Governor Palin’s son Trigg is actually a robot created by Exxon Mobil.

However, sometimes we like to take a day to get away from politics as usual. As many of you who have a Facebook or MySpace account know, 25 Random Things About Me is sweeping the world. Actually it can get to be pretty annoying. Every day, millions of people are tagged to look at meaningless facts about their friends and neighbors.

Today we were given a 25 Random Things About Me authored by the Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi. The person who gave us this letter wanted to remain anonymous. From now on, he or she will be referred to as Deep Throat 2, the Wrath of Kahn. We will post it below, and hope that you learn something about our Madam Speaker.

25 Random Things About Me – Nancy Pelosi

1. I am Speaker of the House.
2. I once asked George W. Bush “boxers or briefs?”
3. I count Harry Reids when I can’t sleep at night.
4. I think abortion should be legal up to the 53rd trimester.
5. I shot a man in the Reno, just to watch him die.
6. I get 500 million and 500 thousand mixed up.
7. I spend 500 million like it’s 500 thousand.
8. I love Aquanet! (Editor’s note, this was reported earlier in a 1 Hour Martinizing exclusive.)
9. My favorite band is Dexy’s Midnight Runner.
10. I’m watching you.
11. Yes you.
12. For years I thought Majority Whip was a dessert topping.
13. Barack Obama is my new BFF and he is like, TOTALLY a cutie.
14. I put orange marmalade on everything.
15. I brake for bingo.
16. I once played 7 minutes in heaven with Ted Kennedy.
17. I once vomited after 7 minutes in heaven with Ted Kennedy.
18. OMG! Bill Clinton just walked into my office and offered to show me his stimulus package.
19. I live in San Francisco; there is nothing funny about that.
20. I own a time share in Florida with Rush Limbaugh (shh, don’t tell anyone.)
21. I own a Hummer H3, but to make up for it I hug a tree daily.
22. For six years I had a secret crush on Dick Cheney.
23. I have 1 tattoo. It is a tramp stamp of Tip O’Neill’s face.
24. I call my husband Stedman just to piss him off.
25. I get all of my news from Fingersmalloy.com

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